Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol
NYCyndie - I know that you're relatively new to poly, and have a tendency to be very enthusiastic about posting. Keep in mind that even though our relationship structure doesn't work for you, it does work for us. I would argue that age has nothing to do with knowing what works, or does not work for each individual, or dyad, or triad, or quad. You have a tendency to come off as a somewhat rigid and unforgiving person; might be something to think about. We're all living our own realities in our own relationships, and I think it's important to respect each other in the way that we speak to each other. "In My Power" refers to E. and I being in a peaceful place again, and me feeling re-centred inside of myself because my home life isn't out of whack - it has nothing to do with having power over/inside of anyone except myself.
Well, that's great!
I do draw on more than just my poly experience when I share here. I just try to be helpful. The same basic skills and need for respect applies to all relationships whether mono or poly. The two are not all that different in how we should treat people.
I'm really not rigid, nor am I unforgiving (don't know where you got that - I am one of those people who often actually completely forgets when I've been wronged by someone and then I wind up getting mixed up with them all over again. After a few times I eventually remember that I should be cautious, that is how forgiving I am. But I digress!). I am an opinionated New Yorker, though -- just how I roll. And for every person who says I'm too harsh or judgmental, I get three or four messages thanking me for my advice and "wisdom." In fact, today, I got a PM entitled "Thanks for your wise counsels" from someone who said they like my "calm and mature perspective." Oh well. I know I can't please everyone.
I'm sorry you don't like my style -- it was never mean to be an attack, I hope you know. I apologize for saying things in a way that was hurtful. It was not my intention. I tend to respond to threads with the spirit of tough love more than anything else. I have the ability to read between lines, and wanted to point out the obvious incongruity of saying you were okay with them communicating independently and then reading their emails. But I am glad you have reached a place of mutual understanding and rebuilding. It is quite heartening to read. And you are a brilliant writer, but I'm sure you know that.
I will refrain from sharing on your threads with anything more than a pleasantry, attagirl, or something totally upbeat, if you prefer. But please know that I only spend so much time on these boards because I like to give in a way that opens people's eyes and gets their feet on the ground -- but I don't force it when I know it's not welcome. All the best to you...