Thread: Losing trust
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Old 05-01-2012, 03:38 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 931
Unhappy Losing trust

I guess I'm what would be called a mono secondary. I've been seeing BF for 4 months. I'm recently (8 months) divorced from a long term marriage as a result of infidelity and lies. BF has told me repeatedly two things: that he'll always tell me the truth and how much I mean to him, how much our relationship means to him.

Friday evening, I talked to BF about something upsetting that had happened in my life. He apologized that he'd already made plans for the evening but said he'd check his schedule and let me know about Saturday, and we could get together then. He never called on Saturday. When I talked to him Sunday, he said he'd been with a friend Saturday, that he'd misunderstood, and thought I was busy Saturday.

I'm at a loss how someone can misunderstand their own promise to check plans and get back to me. Also, given other details of the situation, he made the plans with the friend after talking to me. The best case scenario I can see is that he genuinely forgot and made plans with the friend--in which case, it's hard to believe I'm as important as he keeps saying I am.

Either way, he now wants to together tomorrow, and I'm left feeling that even if this is not outright dishonesty, that if, "I'll check my schedule and get back to you," can be misunderstood, so can anything, so what's the point in talking?

I've done a lot of reading here. I know the answer is communication. But coming from a background of a dysfunctional family and a cheating spouse, I've come to believe that people stick to their stories no matter what and am finding it hard to see a reason to try. On the other hand, I know it's wrong to just ignore his calls and I'll see him at work soon anyway. I don't want to believe my friend lied to me. If he so quickly forgot and made other plans, it seems this isn't really very important to him anyway. Is there another answer? What is the best way to address this with him?

Last edited by WhatHappened; 05-01-2012 at 03:38 AM. Reason: misspelling
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