Tough place to be.
Hi qtrhorse. That sounds like a really tough place to be in. It sounds like up until you knew that he was using that particular term of endearment with his other partners, that you were okay with not hearing those other words. It also sounds like now that you know that, you're finding it really hard to not compare, or want the same thing for your own relationship. I'm also hearing that his honesty is hurting you; even though he's speaking his truth, you want him to recognize that there is some kind of love there, and you are literally melting down from the stress of it.
Whenever I find myself in a situation where I really, really want something that I don't have, I ask myself a couple of questions. One: Is it important? Two: Is it urgent? This helps me balance myself out when I'm feeling panicky or overwhelmed (although I don't always win that battle LOL!)
Using this tool, from an outside perspective I would say that YES, this is important, but that NO it is not urgent. When you take that time constraint off, and stop creating a need to have this worked out right now, I am guessing that you'll feel a lot calmer. I'm not saying that it's not an issue at all; your feelings are really, really important and you have a right to happiness. I'm only suggesting that pressuring an immediate response out of the situation is going to create a lot of stress for you, and removing that might give you the time and space to feel clearer about what you'd like to do
Hugs - keep using these boards and communicating about what is happening for you. Getting clear inside of yourself is the best possible solution to any problem in your life, and creating an on-line space to help you do that is important.