Your post rings very close to home for me.
I joined the forum last week. Looking for answers I suppose. my Partner and I of 20 plus years established late last year that we would try "Poly". Now for a bit of history. We occasionally dabbled in the swing scene. We have had 2 V relationships with me the man as the hinge. As far as "swinging was concerned, it really wasnít our cup of tea. We didnít run off for sex minutes after meeting a couple. In fact, we made many good friends, and generally never had a sexual relationship with them. I guess we didnít much like the label swingers, and a friend said, "You're Poly!" Poly? we said? We had no idea!
Fast forward. We have both had a partner. We both know who the partners were and had met since they were part of a circle of friends.
In the last few months, she has been seeing a few men. I really didnít know the extent, but I knew conversation was happening.
She had left a FB chat open a few weeks back, the dialog clearly suggested they had been intimate. Now understand, Iíve watched my wife have sex with a man, always when I was there. For some reason her doing this without my knowledge hit me like a baseball bat. I can relate to wandering aimlessly and not being able to get it off your mind.
Now please understand I am no angel in this situation. A year ago I had a short term affair that she found out about, that has probably led to this situation.
I joined this site so I could find out how others are feeling. You and I have much in common. For me, Iím discovering the communication, and taking time for the communication is of the utmost importance. After we chatted over a bottle of wine this weekend, I realized how much I do love her, and how empty my life would be without her. So forward we go. With respect for our partners feelings and clear honest communication. While I too have a stomach that is turning, I like to see her smile, as I know she likes to see mine.