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Old 04-30-2012, 06:58 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

I'll write a bit about what Mya and I talked about for the future, once all of us are in the same city (in a couple of years). Earlier we've thought that maybe it would work best to have a sleeping schedule of about two nights a week for me and Mya sleeping together (plus some time spent awake, obviously, but we feel that's more flexible). Now we were talking about how we both feel two set nights somewhat restraining. However, talking about it in more detail we realised the feeling came from expecting those nights to be quality time and prioritised over much else.

Neither of us subscribes to comparison of relationships, and I've let go of the whole aim of fairness/equality (replacing it with whatever everybody truly wants). Yet, somehow, in the sleeping schedule thing there remained a bit of that. Originally, I was the one who suggested that I would want 5 nights with Alec and 2 with Mya (due to differences in relationships and ways of keeping connected), and she was understanding of that. Somehow I felt like since "we only get those two nights" they must be something more spectacular. Sort of making up for it.

But that is not the reality, and that is not what either of us wants. Oh, we do look forward to having more time together in person, both quality and..what's the opposite? Routine? We will make time for each other, but having set evenings/nights for quality time is too restrictive. Who knows if one of us is in quality-time-mode on that specific time? And what about other things in life, friends, hobbies? Can't there ever be an event scheduled for "our night"? Or if there is, will we reschedule our night for the next night? Suddenly those descriptions people have about poly being a scheduling nightmare seem to be awaiting us.

However, that is not what either of us wants. We want flexibility. We want routine. So, right now the thought is something like this: we'll have two routine sleepovers. If that night happens to be a night with loads of evening time before it and talking and sex and intimacy, that's cool. If that night happens to be the night I'm tired and antisocial, that's cool. If that night happens to be the night on the town with a friend for one of us, leaving us only couple of hours or none together, that's cool. Those things are life. And we don't want to prioritise each other above other things in life (just as we won't prioritise other things in life above each other), and we don't want the pressure that is created if our time always is expected to be quality time. This is to last, this is for life. Let it be life.
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