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Old 04-30-2012, 08:03 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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1) Polyamory is openness to developing more than one romantic connection, and being open for one's loves to do the same.

2) I think a lot, enjoy writing about what I'm thinking, I get enthusiastic about things. I care more than feels good in this world. I enjoy having my space, which allows me to enjoy intimacy.

3) I have two partners. I have been in a relationship with Mya for a bit over a year. She is a wonderfully intelligent and interesting person with lots of love. At the moment she lives with her partner JJ in another country, but we see each other when we can, usually once a month. We are present in each other's everyday lives via skype, and we talk a lot.

I live with Alec, with whom I have a loving, comfortable relationship. We have been together for eight years. He enjoys music and gaming, and we watch our favourite shows together over and over. We live independent lives, with varying amounts of our days spent together as we feel like it. I feel poly has helped me to appreciate him as a person, and all the ways in which our relationship enriches my life, without focusing on our differences.

My partners have a friendly relationship with each other, and we often share space when Mya visits. I see JJ a bit less, but I do visit them at times as well, and I am comfortable around him, he is a nice guy. Mostly my relationships with my partners are separate, and I am satisfied with that.

4) I don't have an ideal poly configuration. I wish to have lovely people in my life, in whatever type of relationships that suit us and our lives. I do love the balance of independence and commitment, time for myself and time with my loves, that I have in my life with my ongoing relationships. I need that balance, and I like the stability. This makes me feel quite polysaturated in terms of involved partnerships. Yet, I am open to persons who may come along and seeing what I want in the actual situation.

5) I am mostly out, and largely satisfied with my level of outness. All people who are close to me know, and I wouldn't have it any other way. In my everyday life I don't have many instances where I feel closeted. There are people who are less involved in my life, but whom I still consider my people, and I haven't had a chance to tell all of them yet. If I could change something it is not my personal circumstances but the cultural monogamy-assumption.

6) I think, in the end, all relationship configurations can be done in healthy ways and in unhealthy ways. I think monogamy has special risks because it is the norm (e.g. persons better suited for open do monogamy because they don't know about the alternatives). I think poly has different kinds of risks because it is against the norm (e.g. lack of support outside poly circles). I think hierarchy can be used in cruel ways (e.g. you two have to break up because I am no longer seeing my secondary and don't feel like spending time home alone; and this is justified because you agreed to veto when we started this poly thing three years ago). But it doesn't have to be used in those kinds of ways, and also cruel things can happen in a non-hierarchical structure.

7) I have gotten so much from poly. I have amazing relationships, and I enjoy all the intimacy they bring to my life. I enjoy letting connections form freely without trying to control emotions. I am extremely happy about all the reading about personal boundaries I have stumbled across after becoming poly, since working on those has made me infinitely more satisfied in my life. The worst parts, I'd say the cultural condemnation which can lead to not being accepted by those who are close to you.

8) I could probably be happily monogamous at some different situation, sure. Right now I feel that I am way happier poly, and I wouldn't give that up.

9) I might recommend considering poly as an option for anybody who felt inclined, including my hypothetical children.
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