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Old 04-30-2012, 05:13 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
I think of it as ethical non-monogamy where it's understood that it's OK to be in love with multiple people.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Hrm, I'm a female heading into the big 4-0 soon (which seems pretty important to me at the moment), the last couple of years I've started a lot of hobbies that involve making stuff which has been fulfilling and had the benefit of keeping me busy when my husband is off on a date
I ID as poly by choice and preference, not because I spent my life feeling it was my orientation or an innate part of my identity.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
I have two partners. My husband Adam has been poly for over 25 years now. We started dating when I was married/poly and after 6 months my husband and I separated due to an affair. I asked Adam not to date any new people for 3 months so I could find my feet emotionally. Somehow it turned into a 5 year stretch of monogamy which was not what I'd ever envisioned or wanted, and it did take a couple years of pushing to become poly again for it to happen.
I've dated Brian for a bit over a year now. We see each other weekly, and he's important to me in a romantic & sexual way.
They met once briefly before I became sexually involved with Brian, that's the only time they've talked by their choice, they're busy guys.
I've never been involved with more than two people, a few dates here and there, but nothing that developed into anything.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
I don't have an ideal configuration. I'd like another person in my life, somebody who clicks with me as a great friend, maybe shares some hobbies with me, and who is more involved in my life & vice versa than the compartmentalized relationship I have with Brian - I've met his partners but we don't spend time as a group, or with his & his wife's group of friends. I'm not even sure if I'd prefer that person to be FWB or romanticFWB, I just know I really would like more friends, and I'd like more benefits, and time is finite.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
I'm out most of the time, my family and friends know. I don't have an employer, Adam is open about it at work. Only time I was frustrated about not being able to be out was that Adam has some religious/republican cousins who are our "friends" on FB and I felt awkwardly unable to post links about poly, though Adam wouldn't have minded.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
I don't think anything is better or worse as long as the people in the relationships are on the same page. I was surprised to find that Adam is a bit more hierarchical in his thinking than I am - we aren't so far off that I think it will ever cause a problem, but I can see how more of a disparity could cause issues.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The best things about poly to me is having a way to get some important desires met more than they were monogamously (sex), and as a shy introvert, it has been a reason to put myself out there to meet new people for friendship and dating. My husband is very social and he can find other people to be with who are extroverts.
The worst things - poor communication and lack of self knowledge (in any partner I've ever been serious about) can lead to misunderstandings & arguments, which tend to generate fear in me, and worries that a partner is going to hurt or betray me. Time management is a bitch.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I'd think so. On one hand the primary reason I am poly now is because of the vastly different sex drives in my marriage, but there are a lot more benefits than just being able to date somebody who shares an enthusiasm for sex. However I couldn't be happily monogamous with my husband unless his desire for regular sex increased.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
You know, I don't recall the last time I was close enough to a non poly person with a healthy stable relationship where poly would be a positive for them. I'd talk about the pros and cons for me, but I wouldn't try to encourage them either way. I'm not having kids, but if I did I'd educate them about all the options and let them know they had choices.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!
I'm spending a lot of time thinking about polysaturation and wondering what other people do about it or to prevent it. I am struggling to reconcile the desire to find another partner who is more of a BFF/lover with the fact that I often feel stretched too thin and have trouble making time for my existing friends, family and hobbies.
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