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Old 04-30-2012, 05:01 AM
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evrchanging evrchanging is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Wow I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how you guys were doing. My husband and I go through similar battles. It wasn't until we were in therapy that some of the things I had been trying to say registered for him. Basically, we need to operate as a PARTNERSHIP. This means that everyone needs to pitch in and it's BOTH parents responsibility to back up the other parent. My husband actually thought it was ok to just sit back and watch, while I got frustrated with the kids. He was "letting me handle it" .

Every couple of months, my husband and I have to write out all the stuff that needs to be done (fix the sprinklers, patch the wall, etc) and review all the everyday chores. We then prioritize and determine what we can realistically get done. Between all our outside activities, we also have to check our calendars for everyday chores.

It might help to have "chore boards" for everyone, including the kids. Use magnets, velcro or such and write out each chore/responsibility individually and then place it under the name of the person that usually takes care of it. That way, when there is a HUGE imbalance, it's very obvious to everyone. However, you also have to be willing to allow others to do the job, even if it's not how or as good as you would have done it. Don't expect Jewell to be able to do even 1/2 of the chores you get done while watching the kids. She is NOT you, she doesn't have a system all worked out yet, cut her some slack if she is stepping outside her comfort zone and praise her for what she did do (this is seriously hard when you come home and see all the stuff that's left for you to do yet).
Yes, I agree as a partnership and both to back up one another in the parenting department. I can see Jewell as one to get into the situation of "letting me handle it." I like the idea of a chore board. We have one for The Dew and I keep one for my chores in my binder. So, it would only be a hop and a skip to make one out for everyone. I will talk to Jewell and see what she thinks.

I realized, like I said, that I stepped outta bounds for getting so frustrated. I felt really bad about it for a while. I think though it helped to work through some issues. For once I caught myself, truly happy that Jewell had done the dishes. I could have so barked at her for missing the pans and the counter. But instead I just came in and we worked arm in arm and got it all done together. It was a bonding moment, that we needed. Time to hang out with one another.

We have been working through things like that. I helped her do some of her work and have been trying to invade more of her space, and help her with her things. She in turn is doing the same for me. Because of that we are growing back together again. We are like two trees. We grow apart sometimes and we intertwine sometimes. What we have learned or are learning is to not get so spooked when we grow a little apart. I think for us its more intense in the growing apart phases because we don't have an intimate connection that reminds us of our roots.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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