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Old 04-29-2012, 11:02 PM
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DevotedGeek DevotedGeek is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Santa Monica, CA
Posts: 22

Originally Posted by mostlyclueless View Post
...often enough, the rationalizations we come up with for our behavior have absolutely nothing to do with the real reasons. ...the answers I come up with are not very satisfactory or convincing to me.
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It sounds like you need him to give you more attention and hands on loving actions to really believe he loves you. That isn't uncommon. Reassurance is really important when partners go out to find more love in their life. If I were you I would ask him to get on that sooner rather than later.
Originally Posted by mostlyclueless View Post
I don't know what else he could do to reassure me.
I'm a strong believer in cementing one relationship before adding another. Do you feel like you've had enough time together yet, just the two of you? What stage do you consider the two of you in this relationship: casually dating, serious and committed, etc.? And where do you want it to be? Is there some more development that you want in your relationship before opening it up? Or perhaps the opposite, is the relationship too serious and important to open up?

I also agree with RedPepper, that you may need additional reassurance from him, and that's perfectly normal and reasonable. The tricky part is that if you don't know what you need, it's unlikely he will either. How do you feel about the relationship right now, if you forget about the issue of mono vs poly and just focus on the two of you together?
Me: 45 y/o straight male geek, Wife: hinge geek, Metamour: also a geek ;-)
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