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Old 04-29-2012, 08:59 PM
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DarayTala DarayTala is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: York, PA
Posts: 42

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

Multiple relationships (of the option of having such) with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I've been involved in poly relationships since I started dating, though didn't know the title for it at the time. I've also been in monogomous relationships. Aside from that, I'm a very artsy person and dabble in a lot of crafts though my main passion is leatherwork. I'm also compassionate and very easy going, though I'm opinionated when it comes to my own life. I tend to have very strong views when it comes to what I want, though they can change rapidly as I learn more. When it comes to the outside world though, I'm willing to accept almost anything and anyone, its hard to phase me.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I'm involved with three people at the moment. My fiance Andrew and I have been together for almost five years, and just recently got engaged and bought a house. He is monogomous, but has always been alright with me engaging in poly relationships despite his lack of interest in dating other people. My second partner, Lady, is an older individual who I was originally involved with in just a D/s sense, and who grew to be my lover, partner, and best friend. She (and I say that loosely because she is actually a 36 year old male) has become very close with Andrew, and the three of us are a very tight knit family. We have lived together for a while and plan to continue to do so for the rest of our lives. My third partner Nova is my submissive in the D/s sense, and has been part of our group for a few months now. He is also involved with Lady, and is moving in with us shortly as we move to our new house. This is his first experience in polyamory although he has fallen in love with the lifestyle and done wonderfully with it. He meshes well as a member of our family, and our relationships with him will hopefully be lifetime ones, although we have an enduring friendship on top of that.

I have had more partners at times in the past, which has sometimes worked and sometimes been more difficult. Right now our situation is very easy because we spend the majority of our time as a family group and enjoy eachothers company immensely.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

What I have now works wonderfully. My ideal is based around having a family like group that spends a lot of time together, with the option of a few casual outside relationships. For many reasons though, we prefer all of our partners to be close. It minimizes worries about sexual safety, and certainly makes drama and jealousy in our group virtually non-existant.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

My family knows, as does the families of my partners. Anyone who meets me and all my friends are also well aware. I'm content this way and wouldn't change anything. I would hate to have to hide anything, especially since I pride myself in being a very bluntly honest person.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I think what matters is what works for that person or group. I've seen a lot of certain types of relationships fail, but I don't think it means that relationship is bad, just that it may be less suited to most people. I think what matters is finding what works for you, which could be one or many things.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

I love having a supportive loving family group. I love not having to suppress my emotions. I can't think of anything I find negative about how my poly group is working. I think in general though the worst thing about poly is people having too many preconceived notions about how to do it, and not exploring what works for them. A lot of relationships fail because people don't explore all their emotions, or all the options they have.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

That would mean losing two out of the three amazing people in my life, so no, not at this point. In general, I doubt it. If I met one person I enjoyed spending time with and being with and then never met another I felt that way about, sure. But I love easily and get close to people easily, so that just isn't probable.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

Definitely. I would recommend people explore any and all relationship options or at least consider them. If I had children I would raise them to believe that they should be with as many people as works for them, the same way I would raise them to be comfortable in whatever sexuality they were, or to choose whatever spiritually worked for them, etc.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

I wonder how common a group like mine is honestly. One where everyone functions as a family unit regardless of who is dating who. And where there really isn't and hasn't ever been any drama or jealousy between us.
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