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Old 04-29-2012, 03:48 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Olympia, Washington
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Re (from Octovus):
Quote:
"Do these thoughts sound valid to you?"
They are certainly valid. What you are describing is largely what the end of a V does without, unless xe has some other relationship outside the V. I had my own difficulties with being the end of a V in the early years, and "time spent together" and "the empty bed" were major concerns. I guess over the last several years I have "acclimatized to the losses," and lost my interest in seeking any additional relationships. You could say I have become contented with the "extra 'me' time."

I think you have to figure out for yourself whether this V thing is something you can do, and not worry overly about "what the poly community would think." Your concerns are valid for you, and that suffices.

The only difficulty lies in the fact that this is something *G* wants, so you may have a bit of a problem should you decide to ask him to simply give it (i.e., his second partner) up. You can certainly state your needs/boundaries, whether you can do this or if you would need it to be a triangle, what your timetable would be, etc.

Having stated your needs/boundaries, it kind of depends on what G can/is willing to do in turn. If you find that your "poly compatibility" doesn't cover enough ground to make it work, you could end up with a hard decision to make about whether you can live with G just has he is, given the current conditions.

I don't know what you could do if you found yourself at that kind of an impasse. I just know it's not really possible to control another person's choices (and would you even want to, if it was something they didn't want).

Some people find they can deal with the difficulties of being the end of a V, but there are all kinds of relationship structures for all kinds of different people. There isn't a one-size-fits-all right or wrong here; there's just a question of what's right for you, and what works for you.

These are just some thoughts; I couldn't say how helpful they are, but maybe some small part of them is of help.

Esteems and well wishes,
Kevin T.
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