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Old 04-28-2012, 11:23 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by anapoly08 View Post
The only demographics I ask for are your gender and age.
Female-bodied female, 26.

1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group? I am one leg of a vee with CielDuMatin (the hinge, male, poly) + our metamour (other leg, female, mono).

2. How many partners do you have that you live with? None. They live together; she has boundaries around other people living with them, and I'm okay with it. She's deathly allergic to cats and I will never not have any. I live with my parents due to a disabling illness.

3. How long have you been together? CdM and I are going on four years.

4. Did you start out in a monogamous relationship and then change to Polyamorous relationship? Why? Nope. The two of us have been poly from the start. I look awfully monogamous right now, but I have Things Going On that make dating the way I prefer to date difficult.

5. Who has the most decision-making power and why is that specific person in the group given that power? Within each dyad, decisions are made mutually. If something comes up that affects all three, we have a good long talk and come as close to consensus as possible.

6. Do you share bank accounts? No.

7. What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships? What gender dynamics? We are who we are. I'd say if anything, we're both more stereotypically feminine than masculine, and we like it that way. I suppose he knows more about cars, mainly because I had nothing to do with them until two years ago and he has been driving for at least twenty.

8. How does money affect your choice in who is going to be accepted in the group? As long as you manage what you have responsibly, we'll probably get along well. I have all of seven thousand dollars and a twelve-year-old car to my name. I live within my means; my only debt is my student loans, and it's understood that I need that debt in order to avoid worse debt in the future. (You know, so I can get a job.) We all know the value of a dollar (Canadian and American; also pounds and Euros), and I don't think I could be with people who didn't.

9. When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening? Whose interest is it? Where is the event? Typically we go by whose budget has the least wiggle room. With only three of us, and me living two hours away from them, there are limited permutations; it's really less complicated than one might suppose.

10. Other than sharing bank accounts or budgeting how do you guys handle the money issues in your relationship? We really don't have money issues beyond "who's buying dinner?" and "how much do I spend on your birthday/Christmas present?" Those are solved by talking.

11. Do you talk about money issues in the relationship? ...see #10.

12. How satisfied/happy are you with regards to the current money situation in your relationship? If you are not happy, how would you change it? Look, in an ideal world, I'd have married him solely for his health insurance. I don't think I care otherwise. I'm... coping, they're solvent, all's well. If something changes, we'll handle it as we handle every other major issue (see #5).

Again thank you so much for your participation this means a great deal for me and will definitely help with my research paper.
I may end up drawing on your research for my own someday, so I'm just paying it forward. If I may ask, from what angle are you approaching polyamory? Poly as a whole is quite broad, and I noticed a preponderance of budget-related questions. I'm not out to steal anyone's thesis, but I am interested from an academic point of view.
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