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Old 04-28-2012, 08:39 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,854

The only demographics I ask for are your gender and age.

Female, 38

1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group?

me, my husband, my boyfriend - depending on how you define "polyamorous group" I have two "friends with benefits" that I have been with in the past and may be with again in the future.

2. How many partners do you have that you live with?

I live with my husband and my boyfriend.

3. How long have you been together?

I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 16. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year. I have been with my FWBs intermittently for 19 and 6 years.

4. Did you start out in a monogamous relationship and then change to Polyamorous relationship? Why?

I have never considered my relationship with my husband to be monogamous, although for long stretches of time it was functionally so (i.e. neither of us actively seeing anyone else).

5. Who has the most decision-making power and why is that specific person in the group given that power?

Um, "descision-making power" about what?

I make the financial decisions (savings, insurance, retirement, etc) with input from my husband. Major decisions (buying a house or car) are made jointly with my husband. I make investment decisions. Personal Finance and Investing are a hobby for me - I enjoy it and he doesn't. Therefore it's my job.

My husband and boyfriend make decisions about house maintenance, car care, appliance/electronic/computer purchases depending on their areas of expertise and subject to my estimation of affordability.

6. Do you share bank accounts?

My husband and I share our accounts. He also has his own "fun money account" (transferred out of our joint account monthly and supplemented by any incidental income he generates). My boyfriend keeps his own money separate (if he has any).

7. What are the gender dynamics of your relationship i.e. do you stick to the same gender roles as do those in monogamous relationships?

I'm not sure what gender roles people in monogamous relationships "stick to"...

I go to work, pay the bills and take care of the household finances/investing.

The boys take care of the cars, house, pets, errands, shopping, cooking etc.

Theoretically we all should be taking care of cleaning - in practice none of us do (this place is a MESS!)

8. How does money affect your choice in who is going to be accepted in the group?

It doesn't.

9. When you go out how do you determine if you take everyone or just one person? How does that determine the budget of the evening?

If we are going out socially we either all go, or just the people who are interested. (i.e. my husband and boyfriend may go to the bar to watch the hockey game or go to the casino without me since I am not interested, I may go to a movie or dinner with one or the other or both depending on who is interested). If my husband is along he pays out of his "fun money account" otherwise I pay.

I take my husband to work functions, also most family functions.

10. Other than sharing bank accounts or budgeting how do you guys handle the money issues in your relationship?

I keep them posted as to the general state of our finances and ask them to scale back if money is tighter. They consult with me before making major purchases.

11. Do you talk about money issues in the relationship?

Yes, as above.

12. How satisfied/happy are you with regards to the current money situation in your relationship? If you are not happy, how would you change it?

My issues with the finances stem from the fact that we have not yet sold our old house (the boys still have some contracting work to do on it for me) and we recently had major expenses associated with one of our cars. I'm satisfied with our current set-up with regard to day-to-day finances.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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