Thread: Poly Saturated
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Old 04-28-2012, 08:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by strixish View Post
The set schedule works as a way of saying "you're important to me, and you can trust that I'm setting this time aside for you."
Yeah, I get that, but there are a myriad number of ways to let someone know they are important to you. Dynamics of relationships do change over time, and perhaps especially when new people come into our lives.

Originally Posted by strixish View Post
I think that would be helpful for my state of mind, but I also think it could cause some anxiety with my partners.
Well, it is nice that you are so considerate, and I am not trying to tell you what to do, but here is a possible situation where catering to a loved one's anxiety looks like it works out great for them -- although he doesn't get a chance to deal with his anxiety if it's never tested -- and yet stresses you. You are the one feeling a bit polysaturated, it isn't unreasonable to want time to yourself occasionally.

You're not a machine built to please anyone or keep him feeling secure. He doesn't have to choose to feel hurt in reaction to not getting what he wants. He is a grown man, he and his partner are both adults -- it isn't your job to make sure they never feel hurt or anxious. They are the ones responsible for managing their own feelings.

Now, I am not saying that you would all of a sudden, change your schedule out of the blue. But I think it's something you can talk about, in a kind and loving way, to say that you've been feeling some stress about making time for friendships and new connections in your life and you would like to try having some leeway in scheduling for a while to see how it goes. You can try a more flexible arrangement for three months or something, but if he gets anxious or hurt about it, it isn't your fault. It could be a good opportunity for your relationships to mature in a direction that supports everyone's independence.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-28-2012 at 08:41 PM.
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