This may just be a misunderstanding. Here's another perspective:
She knows she will see him at this event you all go to. She's learning a type of energy work right now, something similar to Reiki, and is excited about it. She wants people to practice on and sees an opportunity to do so with people she knows and likes at this future event.
BTW, I used to have a bodywork practice. When you are learning a new technique you want to practice it on as many people as you can. And, generally, energy work is either no touch or very non-intrusive light touch.
Anyway, your OSO writes back and says he would like that, as long as it wasn't sexual, BUT then he further elaborates by saying he finds her attractive but isn't interested in a relationship with her right now, though he might be someday. Why he thought it necessary to add that last part, I don't know. That seems to be what muddied the water. Until that point, she was talking about doing a kind of healing energy work, and then he brought up sex and relationships.
Okay, so she answers to say, yeah, she likes to share sex with people she likes, that she enjoys doing such-and-such, and finds him attractive as well, but wouldn't do anything with a married guy without permission. Nowhere does she proposition him. Then she again offers to do energy work, but by visiting him at your house where she knows he will be, but also perhaps so that you are kept in the loop with anything they do together.
The way I see it, you could very well be blowing this out of proportion. Her intentions could be totally honorable. As a former bodyworker, I can say we love "getting our hands on people" from a purely clinical or professional viewpoint. It's absolutely wonderful to connect with someone that way, and it isn't difficult to keep it entirely non-sexual. But it does get tiresome when people equate touch therapies, energy work, etc., with sex or think that bodyworkers are sex workers or have some kinky ulterior motive. She could simply want someone to try this technique with, someone she likes and with whom wants to share something positive. She probably doesn't want people thinking that sex is what she's after, especially when she is trying to offer a healing service and perhaps deepen her friendship with him. BUT he, for some reason, responded with talk of sex and being attracted to her. He brought it up. Why not ask him why he did that?
Sure, maybe she would be interested in something with him, but she might have just said she was attracted to him because he said it first to her and she didn't want to hurt his feelings. You also seem to be making an assumption based on her past actions, but even then you said she talked to you before approaching your husband back then. Why do you think that now she was "attempting to create a sexual situation with your partner" when she did say she would never do anything with a married guy if his partner didn't approve? And do you really feel that women should ask your permission before expressing an interest in your poly boyfriend? I thought, from another thread you wrote, that he was free to have other relationships. Or are you now polyfi? Either way, you feel she has to talk to you beforehand?
Last edited by nycindie; 04-28-2012 at 09:25 AM.