View Single Post
Old 04-28-2012, 06:01 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,945

I never said you "shouldn't be poly." I just looked up that thread. What I said was that polyamory wouldn't fix the problems you were having as a couple (think of what a burden you would place on anyone with whom you become involved, if that's what you want them for!). I said that you seemed more focused on sex than developing a loving, caring relationship with an additional person. I also told you that polyamory can work well "only if your relationship is in a good, loving, strong, emotionally and sexually healthy place."

The fact that you interpreted that as "you shouldn't be poly" tells me that there is a part of you that thinks that way. Perhaps you are aware that there are some issues that need to be worked out and resolved in your marriage. I don't think you need tips right now on how to meet poly people to hook up with. It could take years to get from the initial discussion about trying a type of non-monogamy to actually being ready to have more partners. It requires lots of soul-searching, possibly even therapy, long heart-to-heart talks with each other, and hard work to do to get your relationship to be the best and most joyous it can possibly be, before you embark on a poly situation. In the process of working on your relationship with your wife, you may find that it is time to end the marriage. But wouldn't you rather know and leave it, so each of you can be happy, rather than stay together feeling unhappy and dissatisfied?

On the other hand, you may find that swinging is more amenable to you than poly, but either way, having a strong healthy relationship is the only place to start. Only if your marriage is the best it can be should you look for additional partners, whether for emotional relationships or just sex. Poly is not a Band-aid for broken marriages; that may seem incongruous, but it is a way to expand the love and other great stuff you already have and share it with others.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-28-2012 at 06:04 AM.
Reply With Quote