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Old 04-28-2012, 12:22 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Hmmm. There seems to be a bit of imbalance in your thinking here, if I understand you correctly.

You want your boyfriend to accept that you have attractions to women, yet view his bisexuality as an "experiment" and "weird phase." I agree with AnnabelMore that this is very dismissive, not to mention unfair. If I were him, I would be offended. He starts seeing a guy he likes and you are only "sort of okay with it." Why do you judge him that way?

You say "this is hard for me." What, exactly, is hard for you? Are you sure it isn't that you're bitter because your dates with women haven't worked out and now you want to hold him back from finding happiness with other relationships until you do? Like, you have to be the first?

It does come across like you want to be able to have your dates and relationships and play around if you want to, but you don't want him to have the same freedoms.

As far as him consulting you before deciding to stay for a week with his male lover, is that an agreement you had between you - to request permission? Would you clear it with him first before seeing someone else or staying with them? Why do you need him to stay home while you are stressed out? What are your expectations from him that you think his staying with his bf will impede? Just asking questions to prompt some further thinking on it. You might start to unravel some of your discomfort with the situation with a little examination of your thoughts and feelings on it.

I do think it is reasonable to want to meet and get to know the guy he's become involved with, but it doesn't always happen beforehand in every poly situation, and the tone of your post makes me wonder if you would get kinda bitchy when you meet the guy. I don't think you have as compassionate attitude about this as you could have, and I wonder if the current stress in your life is coloring your views of the situation and making you see his actions much more harshly than is necessary.

And yes, I was also wondering what that boundary was that he crossed. Do you mind sharing that? It might give us more insight to be able to help more.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 04-28-2012 at 12:25 AM.
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