You sound like someone who has been hurt deeply and I am truly sorry if that is the case. I don't pretend to see Polyamory as all sunshine and butterflies, especially from the perspective of a monogamous person. Then again, I was married for 16 years in a traditionally monogamous relationship and neither was that.
I found traditional monogamy is governed by relatively clear rules with boundaries that are assumed by both partners and society. This for me and others monogamous couples I know, can have the affect of negating the need for open communication and "checking in" with ones life partner. This lead to disaster for me.
Polyamory is heavily dependant on open communication and boundaries that need to be developed, discussed and at times pushed for the relationship to grow. This obviously has both positive and negative affects. And yes..polyamory involves sex with other people..more to the point, it involves the desire to have sex with other people and I understand the pain there. The desire of your partner to have sex with other people is probably more painful than the actual sex itself. It is also about immense love and sharing however. It is imperative that we realize people work and love in different ways.
Would you share your story so others may learn? There is happiness and love to be found in all manner of love styles. Individuals make relationships work regardless of the nature they are shared in. Admittedly there is also pain in all types of relationships as well. I hope you find happiness no matter where your path takes you. The key here is we all have our own paths.
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 05-23-2009 at 12:38 PM.