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Old 11-28-2009, 02:31 AM
Alexandra Alexandra is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 23

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Wow, yeah, this added info does change things a bit. First of all, you 2 already seem kinda poly in some ways, with these intense emotional relationships you both have w others, "loving" others you call bfs and gfs.
It does feel that way to me. As I said, when I first heard about polyamory, it just made sense to me.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
It's very disturbing he keeps choosing women who are dissing you. wtf?

I couldnt bear that.
Yes, I have asked this question: of myself, and of L too. What do you get from them? Why are they attractive to you?

I think it's this:

L and I were friends for almost five years before we became a couple. So we've known each other a good long while

When we first met I was barely out of my teens (he's 7 years older). I was kooky, odd, fucked up. I was needy, low self esteem etc.

He was attracted to me, to my odd kookiness. I got better, I'm sane and well and happy now. So I'm no longer the odd fuck up I was when he first knew me. But he still has a hankering for that type of girl.

The girls he tends to choose are in some senses a version of the earlier me. It's flattering in a way!

He looked out for me, looked after me, helped me find my way to health, made me feel amazing.... and I think perhaps he is doing all that for these other girls. The difference is that I was young at the time, and I grew up, got better, and these gfs of his are still the way I was then.

My heart goes out to them, truly. I recognise myself in many of them. And truth be told, I was probably capable of the disrespect thing when I was younger too.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

I am not anti-therapy as redpepper is. My ex and I had counseling several times in our lives for this or that reason in our long relationship; it did help us get over certain speedbumps and deal w putting to rest certain things from our childhoods. (We never made poly work tho... but that's irrelevant here.)

The links I provided really spell out all the stages that a couple needs to go thru, all the issues that could possibly need to be dealt with as you open a mono relationship. It's great youve both dealt already with how to feel sexual towards others w/o jealousy, now youve just got the next step of actually acting on it.

But it's not cool at all that he lets his gfs diss you.

Thanks Magdlyn. I intend to look at those links when I have the chance.

And I agree that it's not cool that his gfs diss me. Thanks
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