Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Not wanting them to have sex in your home is a perfectly reasonable boundary at this stage
It's a perfectly reasonable boundary at ANY stage. There are plenty of polyamorous folks who have long experience and who came to polyamory honestly and mutually who don't want to hear/see/smell/whatever their partners having sex with other partners. Or who don't want their partners having sex with other partners in their home, or in their bed. That's perfectly reasonable and acceptable by any standards, I would think. And it's not a hard boundary to abide by, either! If they want to fuck, they can rent a hotel room, for goodness' sake!
And that's not even touching upon his other gross transgressions. I'm polyamorous, very open, don't have many boundaries, and frankly, I would bail if I were in your shoes - not because he's polyamorous, but because he's lied enormously and mistreated you to the brink (or past) of emotional/psychological abuse. Not cool. To be fair, I may be projecting pretty significantly there - but, in my book, blaming YOU for HIS actions, threatening you with blame for the RESULTS of HIS actions, minimizing your feelings, crazymakimg over "forgetting" a very clear and extremely reasonable boundary, then laying the blame and minimizing again.... these things all reek of psychological abuse to me. I hope I'm just reading into it too much and projecting, but if I'm not, then.... well, I'd bail. Fast.