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Old 04-27-2012, 03:22 PM
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DarayTala DarayTala is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: York, PA
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I'm a polyamorous person in three relationships, one of which with my monogomous fiance. I've had poly relationships for almost all my life, and have dealt with feelings of both jealousy and envy, which were at times difficult and destructive, but lead to me learning a whole lot about myself. My monogomous fiance of almost five years has never been jealous of my involvement with other people. The only times he has been upset by my relationships with others is when someone who I or we were very close to for a long time turned around and wounded us deeply. Even then, he realizes that not every relationship is always rainbows and butterflies and that for myself the possible pain and heartbreak is worth it for the chance at loving and being loved in return.

A lot of people are constantly amazed at Andrew and how he doesn't seem phased by jealousy or envy, despite not having other partners of his own. Really, he loves seeing me happy, and knows that loving others brings me happiness. Time isn't an issue because I devote the time to him that he wants, and time I'm with another partner is time he can pursue interests we don't share or visit his friends. He also has formed friendships with some of my partners over the years and a lot of time is spent all together. He would no more get jealous of them then he would of me having close friends.

Personally, a lot of my own struggles with jealousy stem from past situations in which I was lied to, cheated on, or manipulated. I understand these and try and reign in the negative feelings when they come and reassure myself that my past is not my future. I also see envy as an indication that maybe I am missing something in my relationship, and a chance to improve my relationship with my partner without taking away from other relationships they are in.

Anyways, I think jealousy is sometimes natural, but also often a manifestation of insecurity, fear, or past betrayal. I also think that some people feel less jealousy then others, whether because they've been hurt less, are more secure in themselves and their emotions, or are just hardwired differently. Its no stranger then some people having a more fiery temper or being bubblier. The real defining factor is how you deal with it.
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