View Single Post
Old 04-27-2012, 11:14 AM
lovefromgirl's Avatar
lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

Originally Posted by Shadowgbq View Post
You know, it's very brave & cool of you to talk about this issue. I have never thought about it in these terms, but I know there does seem to be some bedrock skepticism out there to a guy's motives when you talk about the history of marriage & patriarchy etc. Thank you, and I hope you will accept my remarks in the sincere way that I mean them.
I'm glad we seem to be coming to consensus, at least. Here is common ground. Here is a place I can start to discuss this with you. Yes, absolutely, there are those of us who will become skeptical. This is how it is for allies of any group (LGBTQ, people of color, people with disabilities--this is where I've seen it happen!). Approach with caution, aware that the people you want to help will show you how you can help.

I think equality of the sexes is everyone's fight, not just women's. I have never defined myself as a feminist because 21 different people tend to think 21 different things when the word is used. But I definitely find myself having more respect, appreciation & sympathy for women than men on average. Whether that makes me a feminist, I don't know.
At the very least, it makes you willing to try, which is more than many can say. And yeah, there are almost as many feminisms as there are feminists. Have you read around the various blogs to get an idea of what various people think? Definitely not a monolith! My particular feminism is egalitarian, is simultaneously woman-oriented. Rights for women based in who women are, not in women molding themselves to be like men. I chafe at the idea that I should take on the predominant sociocultural traits of men.

People & groups can definitely play a role in their own oppression, but I try my hardest to respond to every individual based on their reasoning, regardless of gender or race.
I sort of agree. I know there are people who are pointedly Not Helping. I am all in favor of people choosing their own... "oppression" is an interesting word. Let me substitute "way of life". But I draw the line when I am told I must think like those people. "Nope," I say. "I'm comfortable where I am." And if I'm in a place that isn't as "free" as some people think I should be, well, I'm working within my circumstances. My choices reflect what I desire.

As for supporting polyamory just to have more women to fuck, first and foremost I should say that I see sex as a compassionate act, a kindness to be given generously -- not something that I "take" from women.
I wish I could give and take more easily. Unfortunately, I am aware that, as a woman, to many men, "no" is just a conditional "yes", and that serious abuses in that vein have occurred in communities closely associated with polyamory (so, potential for crossover). I am very sex-positive with people I trust. It's not easy to be that way with complete strangers. "Don't be a rapist" is the goal. "Steer clear of a rapist" is the current reality. God, that hurts.

So, any selfish sexual "tycoons" out there talking about polyamory as a way to manipulate women for sex need to be in very precise circumstances for it to work, otherwise it'd seem like the dumbest thing that a shallow guy can do...of course apart from his already-stupid decision to have a sexuality based on using people & getting physical sensations on his prick.
You wouldn't believe what I've encountered. Or maybe you would. Suffice to say there are some prize idiots in the poly community.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
Reply With Quote