Originally Posted by lovefromgirl
Men who are feminists are coming into a woman's fight, a woman's space. Thus, when women's voices are discounted in discussions about their own historical oppression, I get tetchy. I also get skeptical when it's men arguing that monogamy is oppressive "because it hurts women". Is it really? Or is that because there are just fewer women to fuck?
That's what's been bothering me underneath all of this. Hooray for breakthroughs.
You know, it's very brave & cool of you to talk about this issue. I have never thought about it in these terms, but I know there does seem to be some bedrock skepticism out there to a guy's motives when you talk about the history of marriage & patriarchy etc. Thank you, and I hope you will accept my remarks in the sincere way that I mean them.
I think equality of the sexes is everyone's fight, not just women's. I have never defined myself as a feminist because 21 different people tend to think 21 different things when the word is used. But I definitely find myself having more respect, appreciation & sympathy for women than men on average. Whether that makes me a feminist, I don't know.
People & groups can definitely play a role in their own oppression, but I try my hardest to respond to every individual based on their reasoning, regardless of gender or race.
As for supporting polyamory just to have more women to fuck, first and foremost I should say that I see sex as a compassionate act, a kindness to be given generously -- not something that I "take" from women. That said, my experience in my neck of the woods leads me to believe that the LAST thing you want to do if you want to "get laid" a lot is come out and talk about free love and sexuality. Not only are women automatically skeptical, but the concepts scare the heck out of a majority of women outside a few liberally-oriented metropolises.
Where I'm from, the guys who get the most "action" (or w/e sex-negative term we wanna use) are serial monogamists, or people who claim to be monogamists but constantly seek casual sex. I guess since exclusivity is synonymous with "a serious relationship" in most midwestern girls' minds, a monogamous guy represents the emotionally safe lay, either from a "he's not tied down" perspective if he's single, or a "he's cheating so it's completely no strings attached and no emotions to deal with" angle if he's not. Of course there are even uglier psychological aspects that often occur with "cheating" and casual sex, and none of them are possible turn-ons for women if the possibility isn't there. Last but not least, emotional masochism & "bad boy" lust is rampant in my hometown, and to even know how to use big words like "polyamory" chases many girls away.
So, any selfish sexual "tycoons" out there talking about polyamory as a way to manipulate women for sex need to be in very precise circumstances for it to work, otherwise it'd seem like the dumbest thing that a shallow guy can do...of course apart from his already-stupid decision to have a sexuality based on using people & getting physical sensations on his prick.