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Old 04-27-2012, 04:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,269
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Came up with this today after asking myself what I would be personally interested in thinking/writing about:
Many of these questions might evoke a dissertation-length response from me but I'll try to give the "short-answer" version. (Disclaimer - answers apply to me personally, I don't speak for anyone else in the poly "community)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
Although the term "polyamory" refers to "many loves" - for me (who has a very vague understanding of the word "love") the concept of polyamory involves the willingness/freedom/openess to allow each relationship I have to define itself and not be artificially molded by what it "should" be. I don't have to "limit" my feelings for someone because of my feelings for someone else (although I may choose to modify my behaviours because of my feelings of responsibility to understandings I have with my current partners.)


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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Poly, Bi, female. INTJ.

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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
My sig sums up my current situation. Married to MrS for 16 years, together for 20. My "boyfriend" (god, I want a better word for him) lives with us, since we got together a year ago, he is MrS's best firiend - the term "brother-husband" would apply if it didn't carry so much baggage with it. I have casual (FWB) sex with some of our female friends who are married to male friends of ours.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
If you had asked this a few years ago, I would have answered with me and MrS each with our own girlsfriend(s) (shared or not). Shows you how funny life is. Now? Me and my two boys with as many additional women as want to be with us (individually, or in any combination) while these women have complete freedom to pursue whatever other romantic relationships appeal to them. (While respecting safer sex practices and allowing each relationship to progress at its own pace.) (An aside, I find girls that appeal to me sexually on a regular basis, I take these feelings as far as the girl in question finds acceptable - generally not very far! I have encountered 2 boys IN MY LIFE that appeal to me on many levels - approx once every 18-20 years or so - and have incorporated them intimately into my life. What does this say about me? IDK.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
Not out. Our friends know (all 8 of them). Coworkers, family, acquaintances know that Dude lives with us (as "MrS's friend) and nothing further beyond their own speculations. Given the constraints of my profession/employment this is likely to be the extent of it for the forseeable future. I wish we lived in a world where this were not the case; we don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
The best way of "having relationships" is what works best for the people in them. Period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
Best - two boys who care about me and care for me. Worst - in a Vee I reel responsible for meeting everyone else's needs (working on it...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
Surprisingly, yes, if I hadn't had the experiences to lead me to be who I am. MrS and I were essentially mono for long stretches of time. If he had never brought Dude home and the girls had been in situations that didn't allow for outside relationships I still would have been 100% happy with MrS. I didn't turn to others because I wasn't happy but Happy+Plus is happier multiplied.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
Would I advocate poly - no. I don't know that most people would feel comfortable going "against the grain" in ways that don't bother us so much. We have all been counter-culture in many ways for a while. Would I advise against? Also , no. We all have to find our own path in life, your path is not my path, or his path, or her path. There are pitfalls and potholes down every road. Be true to yourself. Be faithful to those you love. Be honest with those that you let into your heart.



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!
I've probably editorialized enough in the questions above. Conversation welcome. ( in thread or PM )
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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