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Old 04-25-2012, 11:09 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from nycindie):
Quote:
"If there is any kind of cult worship going on in poly circles, I would call it The Cult of The Holy Dyad. You know, where the couple at the center must preserve their couplehood at all costs, but wants to 'add' a woman to 'complete' them, yet putting everyone else's needs as secondary or minor compared to the all-important dyad, no matter who else gets hurt in the process."
Ahem, LOL, D'OH that's gotta hurt ... and I believe it does happen, all too often (which makes the "good-guy unicorn hunters" look bad).

Re (from nycindie):
Quote:
"Unless an established couple is willing to shatter all systems they have in place, and the old beliefs about what a couple and a relationship is supposed to be, and unless they are willing to allow that their cozy little dyad will morph into something else when they have additional partners, why bother with polyamory at all?"
That shade of "unicorn scenario" could almost be thought of as a hybrid version of swing ... where the "core couple" remains "emotionally monogamous," not letting the third person into the "inner circle." Not quite a precise way to put it, but this one's tricky to describe in words.

Re: BDSM ... my understanding (as an ignernt vaniller type) of the D/s (or M/s) dynamic is that although the Master has the Power, he/she is supposed to take on that mantle as a sacred trust and responsibility, with the happiness of the slave/submissive being a high priority ... not just fling the Power around at whim and personal fancy. At least that's what I've heard.

Re: the "cult" dynamic as a poly phenomenon ... well in a primary/secondary structure (not counting the ones where it's just because the "secondary" is an LDR or something), there's an implied "Boss" (or Boss-Couple), and then there is/are the underlying/s or secondary/ies. Doesn't automatically equate to a cult situation, but it can be, if the Boss/es abuse/s hir/their power. But bear in mind, the traditional model of monogamy has been patriarchal and as such it, too, sets up one person (i.e., the husband) as the Boss. Same potential for misuse of power (and a cult-like atmosphere -- picture the classic wife-beating abusive husband and his cowering, enabling wife).

Re: use of the word "secondary" ... at first glance may seem deplorable, but sometimes what word is there for someone who is less involved in your life than your "central" (or domestic, or "primary") partner? People have struggled (and argued) to come up with a solution, and there doesn't seem to be an easy/popular one at hand.

Just some of my random thoughts ...
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