Originally Posted by nycindie
Agreed. This is true, and I was thinking about that after I logged off early this morning. There are plenty of people who are caring and respectful within a hierarchical structure. They make it work for them.
People can make anything "work" for them. There are reasonably happy people in prison who get along just fine with their guards and other members of the enforced hierarchy there. But that doesn't mean that they're all perfectly happy to live, or work, in a prison.
I'm not anti-primary-having as much as I just hate calling anyone a secondary. When I make love, or art, or just a fun date with a partner, any partner, it carries a strong intuitive sense that there should be nobody & nothing *more* important to me than that individual. But at the same time, obviously a primary/domestic partner is someone at the foundation of your emotional well-being, and the relationship is much more cogent to your day-to-day spiritual existence than another. I don't know how to reconcile the two ideas, but I know I can't bring myself to look into the eyes of a lover and say "Your happiness is 61% as important to me as that of my primary."
I think it's like geometry. We all know that reality happens in 4 dimensions -- length, width, breadth, and duration -- but it's very very hard to represent all 4 dimensions in a 3-dimensional space. You can have a "primary" or more than one primary, and still love other people equally dearly without considering them "secondary" or "second place." But it's extremely hard to put into words how this is possible, even though we experience it all the time.