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Old 04-25-2012, 09:40 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,413

Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
...cults can have an imbalance/abuse of power, and so can some relationships, but I'm not convinced that such an imbalance is particularly linked to poly. A monogamous relationship could also have an unhealthy imbalance.
I don't see RP's post as comparing cults to polyamory in the broadest sense. I thought she was specifically taking issue with hierarchical poly, with the designation of one partner as a primary, and comparing that to cult-like behavior.

I do agree that is is a bit of a stretch -- but not totally off-base.

If there is any kind of cult worship going on in poly circles, I would call it as The Cult of The Holy Dyad. You know, where the couple at the center must preserve their couplehood at all costs, but wants to "add" a woman to "complete" them, yet putting everyone else's needs as secondary or minor compared to the all-important dyad, no matter who else gets hurt in the process. Man, that gets so tiresome to read in post after post in this and other forums. I always feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting pigeons that wind up in relationships with people like that.

Unless an established couple is willing to shatter all systems they have in place, and the old beliefs about what a couple and a relationship is supposed to be, and unless they are willing to allow that their cozy little dyad will morph into something else when they have additional partners, why bother with polyamory at all? Might as well just call it monogamy and admit that those secondaries are just playthings who will be dropped like a hot potato in deference to The Holy Dyad.

Yeah, it's the wee hours and my insomnia had me up all night, so I'm at my cynical best. To bed.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 04-25-2012 at 09:42 AM.
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