I been away a wee hile and not been dealign with properly. I been letting teh hatred and anger cloud my judgement and was feeling really low. Convinced myself i was fighting a losing battle and that Jools would be better off with teh others.
I couldn't totally understand why i was ok with R being part of equation but i wasn't ok with M. I know i said in past that what he did was wrong - and it was but they both were wrong.
I think i been tryign to punish Jools also and thats wrong.
So in effect i realised i need to accept i've been wrogn in a lot of teh ways i've been dealign with it and move on. I need to swallow the hatred and anger and try to stop them from poisoning me (it's teh only way i can describe it)
it's goign to be difficult though and hope Jools can be patient.
Again thank you all who replied and offered support and words of wisdom