Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Gosh i have a lot of empathy for you, Alexandra. Your reconnection w L is intense, you feel infatuated, you have what is called NRE, new relationship energy. I have had so many "crushes" while I was in my long term mono marriage... I know how overwhelming they are, like an obsession.
Yes, I wonder as others do, how you reconnected w L.
My gf and I just went to a conference last weekend where poly/mono relationships were addressed. Where one partner wants other partners, and yet his/her primary doesnt. That isnt our situation, but the material in that session should help you. Here's a link to that faciliator's workshop material on the subject.
all downloadable docs here:
guide to opening a prev mono relationship:
the pleasure and pain of poly/mono relationships
Thanks for the links. I'll have a proper delve when I have the time to devote to them properly.
NRE... yes, of course that's part of the picture. But it really doesn't feel like a crush. It feels to me like a deep true lasting connection.
I've had crushes, and they're a lot of fun, but really very internal, private, somehow nothing to do with real life, and never something that I want to pursue or develop. I have had a crush on one of L's best buddies for the whole time I've known him. I adore him, admire and respect him, fancy him, and I suspect that some of the feelings are reciprocated; but I'd never want to be in a loving / romantic relationship with him.
And I've had very tender crushes on others too, with fluttering heart and yearnings.
And I have been in love with several others while L and I have been together. One of them I still have a very close relationship with. We date, we hang out, we have occasionally teased each other about fancying each other, I miss him when I don't see him, we enjoy gazing into each others eyes; and now that he has a girlfriend (he's mono by nature, he says), while I am of course happy for him, I miss our intimate moments together.
But until now, with T, I have never felt this um... need, I suppose, to really incorporate them into my life.
Perhaps because of the connection we had when we were youngsters. Perhaps, as I said, because it was unconsummated back then: unfinished business. Perhaps because T is not someone I just met, someone who knows L, someone who is part of my current social circle and life.
Or perhaps because it's true and real and he and I are in love?