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Old 11-27-2009, 12:52 PM
Alexandra Alexandra is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 23

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hi Alexandra,
I see some sound advice here already but it leaves me at a point of wondering if we've even maybe jumped "ahead" ?
Something to really focus on I think is that overall awareness of "polyamory" in the general population is pretty low and even confused in some who have at least some minimal exposure.
And it seems from your writing you may be in that position right now and IF that's the case then I feel you need to back up, slow down, and as some have suggested start ALL having some deep discussion on the topic & possibilities in general. If you go rushing ahead you may tank the ship for lack of a good compass and understanding of wave behavior.

The general concept of being able to be -successfully - in a loving relationship (let's say 'romantic' although I hate that term) with more than a single individual is NOT something most people are exposed to in our culture.
For most it comes as one of those "WHOAAA - you are saying WHAT ???" moments. And THAT is where the learning process starts.
There's LOTS of good resources out there including forums like this that you all should probably investigate. A couple that come to mind are......

The folks here I know will be happy to share their views & experiences with all of you too.

Good luck !


I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean by "jumped ahead".

Are you suggesting that I may not fully understand the concept? I'm sure that's true to some extent: after all, can you really understand something until / unless you live it?

I have thought about polyamory a fair bit over the years, I have discussed it as a concept with people, and read about it a bit as well.

Many of our friends and acquaintances have asked us if we have an open relationship because we are accepting of each others' "girlfriends" and "boyfriends" (I don't really know what other term to use for these close connections with others).

I know that I don't want to have an affair, be secretive and deceptive.

I know that I am in love with more than one person, and that I want those people to continue to be part of my lfe.

I know that if / when L is in love with (an)other people, I will have to deal with that too. I know that I may be ambushed by my own feelings and reactions ( I have been in the past!).

I know that communication is key, and I am willing to have difficult conversations.

I know that L may be unable or unwilling to accept polyamory. I know that he may ask me to choose. At this point, I dread this and I have no idea how that might pan out.

I know that polyamory is something that is not accepted or acceptable to many. I know that this may cause problems in our family and social circle. I know we may have to obscure things from those we love, and that's not great.

Last edited by Alexandra; 11-27-2009 at 12:58 PM.
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