Thanks Mono, I found that very useful. I have wondered if perhaps it's just that L is more monogamous by nature than I am...
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Try not to forget that what you are asking for is not recieved by most the way you describe it. Put the question to your friends and family and see if they use the same words.
It takes a lot of different wiring and thinking to even comprehend poly, let alone embrace it. Yes, it can be all the things you say; beautiful, abundant and embracing ....for the right people. For the wrong people it is pain and exclusion.
Each of us as individuals have to find our own path and decide who and how many we will walk it with.
And thanks again. Yes, I know that it's a big leap for many people. I think I am by nature more poly-minded. When I was in my teens I dreaded the thought of being married, tied to one person for ever, never able to develop new intimacies.
I never really wanted an "open relationship", I mean I never wanted to just pick up lovers or swing. But when I first heard about polyamory it seemed very attractive and sensible to me.
I have broached the subject with L from time to time over the years, but he has always shut down the conversation pretty quickly. I never pursued it because I never had the deep urge that I am currently experiencing with T. And because we arrived at an unspoken agreement whereby we each allowed the other to form these close emotional intimacies with others. We even refer to these friends as "your boyfriend" and "your girlfriend".
The pain and exclusion you refer to: yes, I understand that. I see it and feel it in L now. And I have experienced it myself.