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Old 04-23-2012, 02:50 PM
Malbon Malbon is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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The message was sent in order to establish clarity over what had happened and what my feelings were, but I can see that some people might feel it would have been better to talk about it first. I am perhaps guilty of favouring clarity over emotional sensitivity at times, and I recognise that. This is a quote from the message.

"Anyway we will talk about it. There is no great hurry or pressure, but we will need to discuss it openly and share thoughts and responses. You can be sure that I am well aware of the potential negatives as well as the positives of a poly arrangement. It may be best for her to be a friend/rope partner and nothing more, my mind is open. Nothing can be decided and nothing will happen without your full involvement in the discussion, knowledge of and consent to whatever might be proposed."

I did not initiate the friendship with the other party, she approached me. I am not minded to ask permission before speaking to other people, and during the conversation the connection became apparent, so there was an element of fait accompli.I refrained from sharing this immediately, since I wished to establish that it was not simply a "flash in the pan", and did not want to trouble my partner with it if that was the case. This may have been a mistake, and I acknowledge that.

I recognise that I might have handled the situation better, and have apologised for any deficiencies in that regard.

I am very open to listening to constructive suggestions on this, and am certainly aware that there are situations where it is wise to "park" the DS aspects of the relationship while big issues are decided. There is a serious consent issue here which has to be addressed with great care, however it is also true that my primary partner has agreed in writing to the trust and consent framework I authored, partly in an attempt to make my position absolutely clear to her.
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