coming out, and coming out, and coming out
It is so strange for me how this poly thing is so much like the gay thing for me.
I found out it was possible for me, a girl, to be attracted to girls, when I was a senior in high school. Gay rights were big in the news back then, else it might have escaped my notice. But I read some article, took into poli sci class, even, about the fight for gay rights. It was explosive in my head. 'You mean, girls an OPTION? I can date girls TOO?' *cartwheels* I had crushes on two peers and a teacher that year. Didn't do anything about it, even when one girl asked me to put cocoa butter on her back when we were 'laying out' at her house one afternoon. I was pretty dense. She was so gorgeous.....where was I?
So, off I go to college, and see a little note in the school paper about a meeting for bisexuals. Strangest crowd ever. Four women, me, a woman who was 6'3" or so, a woman who was 4'2" or so, and a woman in camo/armyjacket gear, and she was kind of built like a tank. We all said we'd been too scared to go to the gay student union and made a pact to go together. I started sitting at a table, handing out leaflets for something. I kept meeting people who just assumed I was gay. Which was a really odd experience for me. I really liked being welcomed, and everyone was so huggy. [sometimes I look back and think I'm so grateful the moonies didn't find me first ~ I could've been swept up into any cult that came along]
but everyone told their coming out stories, and I read everything I could get my hands on (these were pre internet days). I heard about girl scout camp and camp counselors and all kinds of things. I would wail, 'where was *I*?' I didn't have any of that...
So, I'm going through old photos, and I find a picture I took of someone when I was at girl scout camp. I think her name was Jo, and she was so butch, and I didn't even know her. I stopped her on the trail one morning and asked if I could take her pic. She was older. And totally butch. I took that pic because I had a thing for her, and I conveniently forgot about it all those years.
Now, I keep remembering all these poly-like things that happened to me. So, I was dating this hot boy from my computer science class. I tell him I'm going out. He pesters me and wants to go. I tell him it's the gay student union potluck. We go, and he paws me in the car all the way there. I take my dish to the kitchen. When I return, he's in the middle of the floor, some guy is lighting his cigarette, and he's batting his eyelashes (his long gorgeous eyelashes) like a pro, all cross-legged and limp-wristed. Honestly, I should have passed out paper towels to the guys. [and that particular bit isn't really relevant to this post, but I like that story] So that's how I found out my bf was also bi. ~ oh yah, that lovely moment, we were in his dorm room, he was spooning me and we were both facing his roommate. Roommate wakes up, drops a muscled arm to the floor and crushes a can, flexing a beefy bicep. Both of us shivered with pleasure. That was weird. And lovely. [more irrelevance, sorry(myblog, yah?)]
Anyway, that lovely man knows that I want to hookup with a woman. He tries to help. He takes me to his hometown. It's not exactly a party, but it's a sleepover at his friend's house. in the garage, in foggy coastal town. He tells me 'this other guy will try to separate, but don't follow him' I'm fine with that. So we're on the floor and there's this heavenly woman. She didn't really want to play, but she held my hand while I was with him. It was one of the most stunningly intimate moments of my life.
I wake up around 2 or 3 am, I'm frozen half-dead and I can tell my upper respiratory tract is getting unhappy. So I go up into bed with the other guy. Nothing happened (but a lot of snuggling). Oh, bf was pissed off. I said dude, I'm not getting sick for some bizarre sense of fidelity.
Not exactly poly, not exactly swinging, not exactly a threesome. But bits of all that. And a memory I had conveniently forgot.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)