I normally wouldn't say this, but you two need to stop; take a step back from ALL other relationships - I know this will be hard on Vanilla since she is looking for something BDSM wise that you cannot provide - but you are both suffering greatly. If Vanilla were a man, everyone would be advising him to take a step back to comfort his wife after her miscarriage, that all of his partners would understand, if they truly love him. So I will say that and more; it was totally disrespectful for Chip to laugh at your fight, to be so disrespectful in your house, and since Vanilla considers him Dominant, it is your job to make sure that people who come into your house understand that kind of behavior is NOT to be tolerated. You were being petty by having sex with Cookie - who you just said a few posts back - you kicked to the curb. Why are you letting him back into your life in that way? It seems to me that issues surrounding him were the cause of many of your fights with Vanilla in the first place.
Please, take care of yourself and Vanilla before something more serious than taking too many pain pills occurs.