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Old 04-22-2012, 09:10 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Shadowgbq, monogamy does not equate with ownership and just because someone is monogamous does not mean they automatically think they own their partner. And polyamory is not more enlightened. It is bullshit to say it is. It is bullshit to make pronouncements about monogamy and polyamory being one thing or another, because it is the people involved in relationships that make them what they are. There are plenty of possessive and dictatorial idiots running around saying they're poly, fucking anything that moves, and treating their partners like property. And there are plenty of open-minded enlightened people practicing monogamy and doing so with loving kindness, supporting their partner to be the best they can be, and embracing their autonomy. If you haven't ever met anyone like that, then perhaps you've been hanging around in some pretty crappy circles.

These are simply two types of structures for relationships. Neither has any inherent meaning or value. What does have meaning and value are the ways in which people treat each other and approach their relationships. Waving some poly flag doesn't automatically make people more adept at love.

However, getting back to the OP, I think this whole exercise is a waste of time. I don't need to identify myself on any sliding scale of anything. I think this is just another way to try and fit people into boxes. I don't give a shit whether I fit into some cookie cutter image of poly or anything else when I am relating to my loves. These questions are just intellectual masturbation. What I prefer to ask myself is: how I can create the kinds of loving relationships I want in my life, and what kind of impact do I make on the people I love and care about? Those, to me, are more relevant than where on some imaginary spectrum I should position myself.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-22-2012 at 09:22 AM.
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