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Old 04-20-2012, 07:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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The problem I see with crushes is that people think they have to act on them. You don't. There is a thing called self-control.

The other problem is thinking that having a crush is falling in love. It isn't. It's just a bunch of chemicals in your brain responding to a bunch of chemicals in someone else's brain. Don't make it out to be more than it is.

You can develop a crush on someone, enjoy it completely, and never have to let that person know or do anything about it. It's natural for human beings to have attractions to other human beings and we can't always expect them to meet our checklist of requirements for romantic partners or liaisons. We can have crushes on people we work with, situations where nothing can or should happen, and on people who are unavailable. So what if it's inappropriate to be with that person? Should I inhibit myself from feeling that tingly deliciousness every time that person is in close proximity to me? Why should I? I'm an adult and know how to behave and control myself. Eventually the crush dies down, goes away, and I'll have a crush on someone else. Such is life.

It's rather juvenile to think that having a crush means it is love or that we have to have that person, seduce that person, fuck that person, or turn the crush into a relationship -- like a kid who screams and cries until someone hands them that shiny new toy they see and now MUST have. A mark of maturity is knowing where boundaries lie and respecting them. But that doesn't mean I can't go home and fantasize about someone who is off-limits and give myself a good hot time while entertaining those thoughts.

Crushes don't bother me. I have them and enjoy them, and don't get hung up on them. If you have a clear sense of who you are and what you want in life, you will also know what kinds of relationships you can cultivate and where to invest your mental energy.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-20-2012 at 07:17 PM.
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