Hi all, just thought I'd drop by and give an update as to how things are going.
Since my last discussion with Z I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotional stress.
My wife only has 6 weeks now until our baby is born and I am filled with excitement, the bump is massive and the baby is kicking strongly now. Z is coping well and is still working hard although she is now on 4 day weeks which should help. I don't know where she gets her stamina from!
Since our discussion there has been no mention of polyamory but I don't really expect her to want to talk about it.
I have had no sex for months now and it's taking it's toll, I have been feeling all sorts of emotions regarding my relationship as all intemacy seemed to fade away.
I didn't want to put any stress on my buisy pregnant wife so I bottled up my emotions and frustration, that was a bad path to go down but I felt it was the only way to prevent her from emotional stress.
Things got pretty bad as I started to feel more and more resentment, frustration and isolation from lack of intemacy.
Then something terrible happened, a very close friend of ours passed away, we both took it hard but I guess I became distant.
I would not reach out for cuddles or make any effort to be close to Z, I wanted her to come to me, I wanted to feel loved and desired but instead Z thought I was depressed from the loss of our friend and thought it best to give me some time and space.
So with communication all screwed up things weren't going well.
I would lie in bed at night unable to sleep, frustrated, trying think of a way out.
One day she asked me if I was happy and I said no I was in a mess and we should talk so we went to bed and I explained how I was feeling, I told her I had stopped trying it on in bed as constant rejection was frustrating and then that lead to a lack of intemacy in the relationship and that it was grinding me down.
We reassured each other that we love each other, I understand that Z works hard at work and at home and it must be difficult, which is why I try and keep my desires and frustration to myself.
It was all very emotional and I think she understands how I feel. We did not mention polyamory in any way as I need to rescue my marriage before I go there.
Speaking of which, I find myself having feelings for another who I shal refer to as I. We are friends at work and I can't stop thinking about her. This is just making it harder for me as I can't do anything about it. I am even starting to have dreams about her!
Since our latest discussion there still has been no sex, I have been a bit more receptive to Z kisses and cuddles as I try and breath a bit of intamcey back into the relationship.
The thought of months more without sex is depressing, especially as I am drawn to I. Porn is like Prozac, it helps eliveate the symptom but doesn't cure the problem.
It's flipping hard work but I am hanging in there, trying not to let my feelings for I get out of hand but I can't help how I feel.
I hope our marriage is not over, I love my wife and child so I guess it has a good chance if I can hold it down.
We have an amazing time ahead and I am sure things will get better.