Wow, nice to hear such a great success story - welcome to the world of mono/poly relationships! There are quite a few of us out here, dealing with the issues that are specific to trying to have a relationship where each partner has a very distinct mindset which some would regard as incompatible.
Your "does not compute" thought processes are very, very natural - I'm glad that you found that the analysis helps you work things through.
And I think I have been spending too much time on fetlife when all I can think of when I see CBT is "Cock and Ball Torture"... *sigh* (If you are squeamish, do NOT look this up - it really is what you think it is)
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb