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Old 04-20-2012, 08:52 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624

Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
It seems to me that lots of people who do identify as poly have to work through issues with envy, insecurity etc. Not surprisingly really - given the way most of us are brought up to look at romantic love. You know - as something special, where you find your one true love and forsake all others for them. Most of us grow up and when grown up continue to live in a society where we are drip fed these ideas on a daily basis from the media, from fiction, from our friends and families.

So - no wonder people wanting to live differently find it hard. I just sometimes wonder if changing how we talk about and think about love might help? Maybe not.
I'm sure it would change if the way people talked about love changed, but that won't happen until there is a majority that feels that polyamory/multiple romantic partners is the preferred relationship model. Do you see that happening anytime soon? I don't.

If romantic love can be seen as to do with emotional intimacy, caring, a desire to connect with the other person, then I find it hard to understand why that doesn't include close platonic friendships.

It seems to me that it's fairly easy to accept that any one of us might have more than one emotionally intimate, caring, committed relationship with somebody we'd describe as a friend. The difference is that we don't call that romance.

But why not? Maybe the not doing so isn't so helpful? Maybe if we were more used to talking about those relationships as romantic, it wouldn't seem so threatening to have more than one romantic and sexual relationship?
Romance to me includes more than emotional intimacy, caring, and commitment. Romance is the feeling of butterflies in your stomach just thinking about the other person's touch. It's the aching you have for that person when he/she isn't around. It's the way that I feel more complete when I am interacting with that person.

For me, there is a difference between a friendship and a romance. Sure, they can and often do overlap, but I can have friends for whom I don't have romantic feelings.

And people might start to see more love in the world. More ways of expressing it and of living it (other than the whole, meet, date for a while, get married, move in together type thing that seems to be the norm).
I agree with you that people should acknowledge the fact that friendships provide love and support. My family, though, always has so I don't see the widespread stigma against loving someone besides your spouse that you see, I guess.

I suppose that for me, the term polyamoury is a bit useful - as a short way of maybe starting a discussion about relationships.

But other than that, I reckon that describing yourself as poly is a bit like describing yourself as a human being.

But discussion is required because our perceptions of what it means to be human are so affected by the society we live in.

Interesting stuff to think through.

It is interesting. I'm glad you started this.
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