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Old 04-20-2012, 04:22 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

It's very difficult to persuade people if your anger is larger than your reason (also if it's larger than your hope, or your belief that you're right). It may not be possible to persuade your mom. Are you going to love her anyway? Can you love her when she holds those beliefs and feels so strongly?

I got a blackened eye from a lover once. We were young and hormones raged, and it was not my first battering relationship. We were actually fighting about a third. It was the eye that stopped the fight. She was pretty horrified at what she had done. I got in the car and went to the other's house so she could accompany me to the ER. She told me my lover was on her way and we could all go together. I was angry, but that's what we did. (sorry I digress, my mother was the point) A week ish or so after, it was Mother's Day. I told her over the phone that I had a seriously black eye. That I'd been to the ER. That she didn't want to see me. She whined and cajoled and I went. She actually collapsed, had to take a valium and go to bed. (she's nine years dead, and the incident is almost 20 years past, and I'm still irritated) She said the most horrible things to me about me because of that. She said if I wasn't her daughter, she wouldn't associate with me. [no responsibility for raising me to accept such shitty behaviour from a lover...oh, lessee, just like she did.] I was all fine, you don't need to see me anymore. She eventually got over herself, but as you can see, I didn't let go so easily.
anyway, my point in all that is that mothers are tender, and full of ideals for their young (no matter your age). Sometimes they say stuff in the heat of their emotions that they might wish they hadn't.
Sometimes, they really are that principled and stop associating with 'people like *that*', whatever *that* may be.

You may have to choose between who you are and having a mom. You already have to choose between who you are and the mom you always believed you had (or the one you wanted to have).

It also may put your family in danger that she feels so strongly. You may need to love her from the distance of disowning her.

(okay, suggestions, stories, and advice)
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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