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Old 04-19-2012, 07:55 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

She never got to figure out what she was. I am not surprised that she's spent the one period of her life where she was even allowed to contemplate non-fundie sexuality doing just that.

I am more astonished when these marriages work than when they fail. It's not the couples involved. It's the subculture. How do you go from zero to best-sex-ever overnight? How, if you've not even been encouraged to explore what makes you as an individual feel good, can you be expected to find satisfaction in the Only Sexual Relationship You'll Ever Have (tm some genius) without buckling under the pressure or coming to accept that maybe sex isn't for you? I'd wonder if I was asexual as well if I felt so thoroughly wrong about it.

You cope with these feelings by accepting how shafted she was by her upbringing, and acknowledge that maybe your (plural) situation turned out better for you (singular) than your wife. And then you move forward and away from the madness, possibly separately, possibly in a sexless marriage. Counseling sounds like a great idea here, separate and together, and not through a church. I would also not torture myself with "why", if I were you. In the end, "why" doesn't matter. You have to be here, in this situation, in order to deal with it. "Why" is for counseling (see above) and even that's no guarantee of an answer. Sometimes the answer to "why don't you desire me" is "because I just don't".
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