Last night went differently than I expected, but in a good way! Wednesday is my "usual" day to go see Marty. I found out he was expecting one or two of his friends to come by for a belated birthday celebration. Four friends ended up coming over - one whom I had met before, and three I hadn't. All very nice people. It was fun being in a social setting, and I was really happy to see Marty so happy that his friends were able to come together and do something with him for his birthday. Good stuff!
We have a kiddo play date set up for Sunday, to get our sons together. They haven't gotten to do that for a couple weeks and they have both been incessantly asking for the other. It's so cute how much they enjoy playing with each other and heartwarming to see how well they get along.
So currently, in true GreenMom fashion, I'm stressing myself out with undo anxiety about a date I want to propose. I'd like to go out for dinner Saturday night, and then spend the night with him at my place. He hasn't been to my place since late February - logistically speaking, it's much harder to arrange. My mother, who lives with us (and is not yet aware of the poly relationship) will be out of town, so it's a rare opportunity to spend some time with him in my space. I'm on pins and needles just considering asking - I have it in my head that I'm going to be rejected - either because he won't want to go out, won't want to be away from his own home for the night (he gets guilty feelings, even though Kitty has made it clear she is quite okay with it), etc.
So I am working on stopping the negative thinking and just preparing to ask. I wish I wasn't such a coward about such things. I'm just really bad at speaking up about my own wants at times. I feel selfish, and bad, and like I should just go along with what is easiest for everyone. But this is something that is important to me so I need to speak up.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.