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Old 04-19-2012, 01:55 PM
hael hael is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Default How do I overcome what I'll call the "sex impasse"?

Hello. I'm a mono male with a poly wife. We've been married almost a year, together for over 5, and my wife discovered that she was polyamorous about 6 months ago when she realized she had strong feelings for a mutual friend. Well, to be honest, it's been a long road for her, he was just sort of the trigger point for it all, but that's a different story.

Anyway, we've talked about it extensively, argued about it occasionally, and dealt with everything in between. I've read all the books and tried to come up with some rules that make me comfortable, but we're sort of stuck at an impasse.

Right now she calls him her boyfriend, they go out sometimes, and they get plenty of time alone. However, they don't have sex (at my request). I'm just not ready for that, but it's been a while now and she's getting impatient. I was hoping she would be happy with the ways things are now, but she claims she can't really express herself fully in loving someone without sex. At the same time, she tells me "it's just sex, what's the big deal?" which throws me all out of whack.

So, for the mono people out there, how did YOU overcome the "sex hump?" All the books told me what I should do (don't be jealous, talk it out, etc), but none of them made me feel any better about it. I tried writing up rules, but that only made me queasy. I need advice because things can't stay like this forever, and all signs point to "forward" as the only valid direction.
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