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Old 04-19-2012, 02:21 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,487

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post's such a superficial sexual encounter that I didn't care
Since I was the one who entered the phrase "superficial sexual encounter" into the conversation which then generated some more discussion, perhaps I should expand on the situation as it actually happened.

I was 18 years old, I went to a party, I hooked up with a slightly older guy, we went our separate ways. I was single (with the exception of a number of NSA FWB) and had no agreements with anyone (other than myself) regarding my sexual behavior. A few weeks later, this conversation happens:

Friend: "Hey, JaneQ didn't you hook up with Sam the other week?"

Me: "Sam?"

Friend: "Yeah, Fred's roommate, he brought him to that party at John's house. Short guy, blond, you two were drinking gin straight from the bottle?"

Me: "Ah yes, I remember that guy. His name was Sam?"

Friend: "Yes, and apparently his fiance is really pissed at him."

Me: "Fiance?"

Friend: "You didn't know he was engaged?"

Me: "WTF...I didn't even know his name. His fiance should really reconsider the whole marriage idea - seems like a real dick."


At that particular point in my life (20 years ago!) it would never have occurred to me to ask if some random pickup was seeing/dating/sleeping with/engaged to someone else. My motives at the time could be summed up by - "You're Hot, I'm Horny, Here's a condom - don't call me." I definitely was of the opinion that it was the responsibility of the person who was in the relationship to enforce its rules and boundaries - I was merely a disinterested bystander looking to get laid. (By the way, MrS and I have had several heated discussions about this over the years - he completely disagrees.)

Now, if it had been someone that I was interested in getting to know, or a friend that I cared about, or, hell, someone that I ever expected to have contact with again, then I would have cared about how this sexual encounter would affect them and their lives and relationships. But an almost-anonymous one-night stand, nope - I probably would have assumed they were lying anyway...
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married (to TT) female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-19-2012 at 02:31 AM.
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