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Old 04-18-2012, 11:19 PM
Questioning Questioning is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 52
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Hi AC, thanks for the support. It is a little bittersweet for now for me, but the bitter is due to fear. Love is the polar opposite of fear. As a mono I fear that polyamory means 'not really loving' - which is nonsense. This is where TEA helps.

Get that book (Been There, Done That, Do This - Sam Obitz) out of your local library if you can. It's only a 2 hour read. Might be good for you, people you love, it's a cracker, but will force you to look at stuff objectively. I guess it's difficult at first as it is fairly dispassionate in dispatching thoughts which are attached to feelings (passion). It does help.

Here's an example of how I do TEA.

Thought: I am not truly loved/lovable as she loves another.

Errors: Jumping to conclusions; Reality filter (one aspect becomes the reality, instead of the whole picture); Ignoring the positive; Omnipotence error (think I'm responsible for things beyond my control).

Analysis: The lady loves me, has stuck through thick and thin, has always tried to be honest, has lived with a weight of regret for her very nature and deserves love and acceptance. She feeds me, loves me, buys me books, always comes when I'm in need, plus much more despite her schedule is greater than mine which is plenty to cope with. I am loved by her, my family, friends, colleagues - plus general public when I perform. I can give and get a lot of love. I choose to be with her and acceptance of her is part of that choice. The other guy can not alter her feelings for me as she is polyamorous. Everything I have read about polyamory and all I have observed in her and her 'confessions' points to the fact she is polyamorous. Her professed deep love is true, the evidence is blindingly obvious that she loves me deeply - so the thought is nonsense.

Yes she's lucky it's me Those other guys who rejected her are schmucks. Well, not true, but she's worth the 'growing pains'. I'm not in the clear, but its ok, I'm here.
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