Gosh i have a lot of empathy for you, Alexandra. Your reconnection w L is intense, you feel infatuated, you have what is called NRE, new relationship energy. I have had so many "crushes" while I was in my long term mono marriage... I know how overwhelming they are, like an obsession.
Yes, I wonder as others do, how you reconnected w L.
My gf and I just went to a conference last weekend where poly/mono relationships were addressed. Where one partner wants other partners, and yet his/her primary doesnt. That isnt our situation, but the material in that session should help you. Here's a link to that faciliator's workshop material on the subject.
all downloadable docs here:
guide to opening a prev mono relationship:
the pleasure and pain of poly/mono relationships
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly, my Top)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years