Hey i got directed to this thread from another thread. I wanted to add my exps.
I guess, hm, maybe i am not really poly in the pure sense of the word. I am in a "primary" relationship, but we dont live together. We each have our own places but spend about half the week together in one or another's apt.
m and I met each other when we were both single, both coming out of other long term relationships. I didnt want to imm settle down w one person, after 34 yrs w the same guy! Good thing m was poly and completely fine w me seeing as many other ppl as I needed to "be myself," self-actualize...
A couple months ago my husband and I sold our house and I needed to get an apt and I couldve moved in w madi. We both would have enjoyed the lower rent that wouldve entailed. But I chose to get my own place. She and I have lots of work to do in our new life situations, and I felt the need for space.
Another way we dont fit as pure primaries is, I am 22 yrs older than her. She'd like a family, whereas Ive got 3 young adult kids and am post menopausal. (Also she's trans, on hormones, so unable to have a biological child anyway.)
One more way we aren't traditionally primary. I go out w a lot of ppl, Ive dated about a dozen men and one other woman this yr. I havent found "love" w any of them, or not True Love tm. Not really "looking for love," either. I mean, I am looking for friends, ppl who are cool, smart, hip, funny, respectful. I need good sex too, and since I am bi, a man would be nice to have it with.
I am looking to "like," but I am not burdened with any sort of desperation or urgency, for True Love TM. I already have that... I just wanna have some variety now. I'm playing the field, and that hasnt changed even tho I am deeply in love with m.
Luckily she and I are totally on the same page w regards to all that. However she does hold an ideal of multiple poly partners in some sort of poly-fi relationship, while realizing it's a lofty goal.
We are definitly not one of those formerly mono couples now opening their relationship, seeking that elusive unicorn!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):