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Old 04-18-2012, 08:12 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
I feel like he's selling himself short, and shouldn't "settle" for a secondary-type relationship with me when he wants a full primary partner. I'd love for him to have both, but since he's mono I think the next best thing for him is to move on from me when he finds someone who can be more for him.
Trust that he knows what is best for him. Trust that he is taking responsibility for his own choice to be with you, accept the terms of your arrangement, and love you wholeheartedly. Whenever anyone says things like, "it's not fair for so-and-so, they should have the kind of partner they really want," it kind of states that you know better than he does what should make him happy. Fuck that. Personally, I have often felt that these words are very wise: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with." Why shouldn't he invest fully in what is present in his life right now? We've all only got this moment. Beats hanging on waiting to fulfill an unrealized dream.

As long as big important decisions aren't made based on the euphoria of NRE, I don't think it's a problem. He's not settling, let him enjoy it. I think you like to have a logical system and knowing that B follows A in the way it is meant to, but I would not worry so much if I were you.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-18-2012 at 09:40 PM.
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