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Old 04-18-2012, 04:56 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brazil
Posts: 151

Originally Posted by tll2k6 View Post
If the "cheatee" doesn't feel like it was cheating, but the "cheater" does, is it really cheating? I would think that my lack of hurt would mean that it wasn't.
Interesting question. Except for two relationships I`ve had, I shunned monogamy from the start.

In one of the exceptions, prior to having "the monogamy talk", I was casually having sex with another woman. At the time, I felt like a cheater. I had my roommate tell her bullshit stories, like I was at the supermarket, when I was with my fuck-buddy, etc.

Later I went on to get dumped by this fuck-buddy, and agreed to an entirely monogamous relationship. Throughout it, I felt like I had cheated (although that was the only time).

It was only after breaking up with her, that I finally told her about the woman I was seeing at the beginning of our relationship. I was expecting a barrage of invective and guilt-tripping, but to my surprise she said: "You weren`t cheating. We weren`t committed back then."

Which is true. So, even though I would have handled that situation differently today, I`ve since come to accept her notion that I didn`t cheat. Which means, that I`ve had many relationships in my life without ever cheating. Something I`m really proud of. Especially since I feel men are socially pressured to cheat by both women and men, in spite of the lip-service to the opposite.
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.
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