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Old 04-18-2012, 05:44 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
hi all,

I was reading on another thread that opalescent's partner had to learn that touching as much as she wanted was sometimes irritating. And it hits home. Hard.

So, I'm wondering about anyone else's experiences with mis-matching desires for touch? Do you think relationships can go long when it's mismatched?

One of my partners, I asked him 'do you know I love you?' 'yes' 'how?' 'because you touch me' (that was long before I knew about the love languages)

The other one only wants touch when he wants it, and then only briefly. He's good for a pat, or a few strokes of his hair (he has gorgeous hair), and then he's done. When we were mono, it became very painful for me. I am more able to tolerate it now, and I'm able to touch him less. In part, because I know I can fulfill all that with the other, who leans into any touch; even in his sleep.
I was with a man who was finicky about touch. Most of the time he was fine and generous with it; but there were times when he didn't want to be touched. I knew he wasn't rejecting me (often it was more that he had spells of feeling overstimulated), but I always felt I had to read his mood to determine if it was okay for me to touch him. Still we were together until he died.

Then I met a man who was just as prone to touch as I am. Enjoys giving touch and being touched ~ 24/7 Oh my, what a difference. Simply speaking it was one of the most fulfilling relationships I've ever experienced (didn't hurt that our minds melded equally well).

(Sadly, that was a triadic situation in which after full commitment to the triad, his wife changed her mind and we are no longer together. Unfortunately, his wife often tends to reject being touched, so he's back in the boat he was before he met me.)

I now know that any relationship I have in the future will need to have this component in full.
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